Mr. Notion Part I

Per suggestions in the comments I updated this using Grammarly. There were about 3 mistakes noted.

Mr. Notion Part I

I do apologize to anyone who is reading this and sees that the post for Mr. Notion is out of order, date and time wise.

“AH! Come on get out of here.” yelled Andrew, “Don’t fill my crapper anymore with your residue! I ain’t seen such shit as when you have been in here and stunk the place up with your crap.”

Andrew had no idea who this homeless creep was that had been hanging around his MacDonald’s for about a week now but the three times he had used the restroom he had had to send in the clean up crew a.s.a.p. because the john had been totally messed up.

Mr. Notion, the homeless creep in question didn’t yell back or even acknowledge Andrew. He just slowly crossed the street. But then after he had gotten to the other side of the street he looked back and realized he hadn’t touched Andrew.

“May peace be with you and your needs, not wants be fulfilled.” he intoned in a booming voice across the street as he held his hand up palm forward as if to bless Andrew.

Andrew stood with his mouth a gap and initially felt some weird inexplicable serenity steal over him. Then he shook his head with a feeling of vexation and walked toward the group of employees gathered by the door.

Andrew also knew that this newly noticed homeless persons of this last week had been raiding the trash bins along with about 2 other homeless people he had seen recently hanging across the street waiting their turn at the bin after closing and after everyone had left for the night.

There was this weird limping lady with the longest gray hair he had seen on an old person for a long time. She nevertheless had found the time to comb it every day and she was somewhat presentably clean. He had heard the other homeless creeps call her “Angelica.” She was not very “angelic,” he thought with impertinence. Most of the time, her face was beet red and swollen. She spent a lot of her time looking at her hands and talking to them. He supposed she might have been a beautiful sane woman at one time but now.

The other bum was a man who appeared to be quite a bit younger than Angelica. Andrew didn’t know his name. He was quite the solicitor. Andrew already had 3 run-ins with him because he hung around and pestered the customers as they entered or left the store. He had even called the police one evening, but by the time the cops had got there they guy had bolted. Nevertheless, he showed up again a week later, but across the street this time. Andrew decided it wasn’t worth it to call the cops on him again.

Andrew continued through is daily routine of assigning tasks to his employees and went back inside after he was sure that Jose had washed down the men’s room thoroughly.

His employees probably couldn’t even use the toilets much fewer customers, after this homeless guy had been in there.

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9 thoughts on “Mr. Notion Part I

  1. As a teacher we are told to teach the writing process even though I don’t teach English. I sometimes forget that what I produce will need to go through this process. With teaching science, communication is more cut to the chase and tell what you saw or review the studies and do a summation. This is much different writing than the creative process. Thanks for your feedback and the reminder about “the process”.

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    1. There is an elegance in cutting to the chase. When you write your first draft of a chapter you should ‘just get it down’. When you start editing you can start artfully embellishing and checking your grammar. I have only read part 1 (so far) and it is intriguing. The idea of each chapter is to get the reader to read the next. One way is to shorten your sentences, and change the rhythm of the paragraphs (some short, some longer). Another is to visualise your reader. If you make it personal, it will flow better. Keep up the good work. It is really hard to change from non-fiction to fiction.

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  2. I would run this thru Grammarly. You have a bunch of tense and grammatical errors that are tripping up your dialogue and story clarity. I think you’re part-way there…you have the idea and lots written down, but the prose itself is in need of some deep editing. I think Grammarly is actually free now through Google Chrome. It’s a trimmed down version, but it’s a start. Grammar and punctuation are the hardest part of the creative process for we creative types–it makes us crinkle our noses and yawn 🙂 Hope this helps. It’s only my oppinion. Take it as being worth what you’ve paid for it !

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    1. Thanks, like I said I am so close to this story I can’t see the forest for the trees so to speak about the grammar and about the story element. And I know I have somewhat awkward syntax. I definitely don’t want that to get in my way of telling the story.

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      1. I have a very painful and long process when writing –so I feel your pain :). I have to just write like a maniac, totally ignoring anything civilized like punctuation. Then I run it through Grammarly or have a retired English teacher friend review it. I make all my corrections and tighten it up until it reads like a dry essay. Then, let it lie for a couple of weeks, then I re-attack and add in style. Amazing I wrote 50K for Nanowrimo in 25 days, but it takes me 2 weeks to edit a single chapter to readable!

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        1. I agree with letting it lie a bit. I find my idea of what i wanted to say ‘matures’ during that time, so when I review I am more focussed. I will definitely be trying out Grammarly on my blogs – excellent advice. Thank you.

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